moguls and wealthy men were present. Rich
businessman Akpos was looking for a way to
oppress the other rich men and show he was the
richest.
He shouted for his driver: Driver! Driverrrrr. Come
here quickly!
John the driver came quickly to his oga, Akpos.
Akpos now seeing that all eyes were on him after
the way he shouted loudly for his driver,
continued to talk loudly to the driver:
"Driver, go to my house, not the brown house o,
the white one. Not the white one in Banana Island
o, go to the white one in Victoria Island. Not the
one on Adeola Odeku street you hear, but the one
on Etim Iyang Crescent. Not any of my semi-
detached houses ie 22A or 22B, but go straight to
the 3 storey detached house with swimming pool,
CCTV, electric gate, wifi, marble-finished
rooms ensuite at No. 31.
Ehen! Now take this remote control for the large
black gate, press this button and it will open.
When you enter, you will see a blue 2013 Porsche
Cayenne okay.. Now perpendicularly
that 2013 Porsche Cayene is a silver 2013 Land
Rover LR4 Jeep, It is not that one. Trigonometrical
ly 35 degrees to the LR4 is the grey 2013 Lexus V8,
It's not that one. This 2013 Lexus V8 is very close
to a black Mercedes Benz Gl 4matic. The 4matic
Benz is just behind a Gold Coloured Chrysler 300c,
the Chrysler is beside my Red Escalade ESV which
is in front of my white 2013 Escalade EXT, blocking
a Hummer H3T, opposite a blue 2013 BMW M5.
Then make a u-turn by the BMW and you will see
three recently purchased powerbikes from the US
of A. Now take a diagonal sharp turn to the
extreme left and you will one oldddd archaic car, a
2012 white Prado jeep, which I will soon throw
away. Just beside that is my built-to-intern
specifi cation swimming pool, opposite of which
is a wine red 2013 Prado Altitude. Now you have
reached there.
Go to the boot of the wine red 2013 Prado Altitude,
open it, you will see red, white and blue briefcases.
The red one contains dollars, $10 million. Don’t
touch it. The blue contains Pounds, 8 million
pounds. Don’t touch it. The white one contains
Naira, I arranged them in hierarchical order -
1000s, 500s, 200s, 100s, 50s, 20s denominations.
Don’t touch them. Now near these boxes, you will
see a crocodile skin Christian Louboutin limited
edition wallet!
Check inside the designer wallet and you will see a
N10 note. Take that N10 and buy me N5 pure
water and bring it here promptly! I’m very thirsty!
Buy very cold one o and you better not forget to
bring my change!
One word for akpos!?!
of public universities across Nigeria have
been on strike since July, 2013. This has
resulted in the partial paralysis of the
academic sector in Nigeria. The federal
government has tried to persuade the
striking ASUU lecturers to return to their
classrooms to no avail. The lecturers have
insisted on a no retreat, no surrender stand,
meaning that the government has to meet
all of their demands before they resume
work.
The minister of education, Mr Wike Wyke,
announced on Hot Swen T.V network this
morning that he had fired all the striking
lecturers with immediate effect for refusing
to return to their teaching jobs despite the
intervention of the country’s president.
Following this announcement, Mr Wike
urged all qualified candidates to apply
directly to the federal ministry of education
as the country plans to employ one million
new lecturers. He further stated that
applications from foreigners are also
welcomed.
Immediately this announcement was made,
Hot Swen news learnt that the Iraqi
government has offered to send one million
lecturers to all universities across Nigeria to
assist the government.
The Iraqi prime minister, Abdulgaza
Robombnima said ‘we are prepared to help
our brother, Jonathan, in Nigeria; we are
sending one million Iraqi lecturers to teach
the Nigerian students for free. I am sure
after the first few lecturers, the students will
be better strikers than their lecturers, we
are going to major on bomb manufacturing
and then have compulsory evening classes
on suicide bombing. Boys will be in different
classes from the girls and anybody caught
cheating during examination will be shot
dead right there in the examination hall. Any
female student who exposes her wrist or
ankle will be hanged to death’.
The federal government immediately
accepted this offer and the new lecturers
have already started arriving in the country.
All students who were on campus fled
immediately this announcement was made;
many of them have however decided to go
into music and blogging.